Mel Vanity – Ice Is Nice

by Roy Street

Could ice be the answer to skin restoration? I think so. Here are some reasons to consider behind my groundbreaking discovery.

Indisputable fact. Cold tightens. Which is the exact opposite of sagging.

Case in point. When I was fourteen I decided my nose was too fat. I wanted a more blade-like nose, comparable to my favorite movie stars. I didn’t have the money for a nose job, but then why pay a doctor when you can do-it-yourself? I went for the ice.

Night after night I would sit in front of the television watching show after show with an ice cube pressed against my right nostril. Fast, easy and economical. When a cube melted down, I simply replaced it with a fresh one. I was determined to narrow that sucker with a little help from old Jack Frost. 

Years passed and the icing of the nose continued. My dad said I needed a psychiatrist. But I said, what do they know about the thermodynamics of nasal skin restoration? I stuck to my guns. Then one day I decided the time had come to assess the results. I re-measured the width of my nose. It had decreased in its span by one one-hundredth of a millimeter. Well, at least I think it did. Proof enough for me. 

So what little do-it-yourself techniques do you use to preserve the outer layer? 

19 thoughts on “Mel Vanity – Ice Is Nice

  1. I’m all about the moisturizer (except I have trouble spelling it) and sunscreen. I wear sunscreen all year round and always have my big sunglasses. I have a friend with the best skin ever and she told me it’s all about sunscreen and movie star glasses. So I follow her advice. Plus, I have very dry skin so I always have at least one lotion on. My favorite in the winter is to mix oil and lotion, for my body not my face. That way I can prevent getting so dry I have to break out the vaseline. That’s why m next plan is to move to a place with humidity. Then I won’t need the vaseline. 🙂

  2. I am sold! Going home to ice my chin (it seems to be protruding more every year) and that dang mole on my face that will cost me $300 to have removed. Love it Roy. Our anti-aging guru!!
    I’ve heard of women putting preparation H on their face to reduce inflammation and stave of aging…now I myself have not tried it but…I won’t say I am above trying it. Whatever works, right?!
    LOL! 🙂

    • Hel-looo, Natalie. So great to have this chance to discuss the joys of Preparation H. It’s fast. Easy. Great fun to apply. And it comes in a tube! In fact. I carry a stick of it with me wherever I go — in case of emergencies. I’ve made more friends thanks to Preparation H. Ya just never know who wants to share. Or who needs a helping finger. In which case I’m always glad to pitch in. 🙂

  3. Reminded me of Robert Frost’s poem “Fire and Ice.” I think I’ll live with what I have rather than put ice to it. Although I do what I can to slow down the process. My primary care physician is an anti-aging specialist!!

    • Hi P.J. Ahhh, yes. Robert Frost. Actually the sensitive poet struggled during his later years going from one cream to the next in search for the right moisturizer. The one that would roll back the clock. He finally settled on “a lift.” And he looked damn good. How many times did I hear people say, “Hey, Roy, Have you seen Bob Frost lately? His skin is just so amazing.” So your main doc is an anti-aging guy? Whoa. That is a terrific. My primary is a proctologist — but hey, that’s just me.

  4. Funny! I’ll admit that I have a horrible lack of skin-care routine. I keep saying I’ll get into a good routine and stick with it but I need the speed-program, meaning, fast and easy, not like drugs. haha

    That said, when I’m biting the bullet and because I am getting old-in-years, I love to use Cliniques 7-day scrub. It sort of polishes your skin and if used every day, really does make my skin look better. You’d think that would be motivation to keep doing it, right?

    Also, when I wear make-up, it has sunscreen in it. And in the summer, when I’m in the sun nearly all day, I try very hard to keep up with the sunscreen on my face and neck.

    If you figure out the freeze deal … let me know. Except for I’m kind of having fun with my life and wouldn’t want to miss anything! Can’t I have everything I want? 🙂

    • My buddy Ginger. I think based on your pictures you look pretty damn good. Whatever you’re doing it’s working. As you and I know, a sweaty workout is one of the best ways there is to clean out your pores. Coupled with plenty of fresh water and it’s just the right combination for anti-aging. I’ll keep you up to speed should I make any breakthroughs with my icing technique. In fact, I’m FedXing you a pack of ice today— packed in ice. 🙂

  5. Roy, do you draw comics? Cause seriously, I think those pics are great!

    But ice? Burrrrrr! My nose automatically gets cold. I always joke that I need a nose mitten.

    Well sad to say, I’m getting older by the minute. Ah yes, age speeds up with time. It really sucks. I, like Ginger, am a Clinique girl, although if I could find the right anit-aging stuff that’s organic, I’d be all over it. And unlike Ginger, I stay out of the sun as much as possible. I have Irish skin, so it doesn’t matter how much sunscreen I use. Sun is so not good for me. And then eatting right and drinking lots of water is essential.

    I’m just working at staying young at heart! 🙂

    • Yes, Karen. I do draw. And those comics of Mel are done by me. Thanks so much for the compliment. I’m working on putting them together into a book. As to the situation involving your “cold nose.” Alicia always has a cold nose too. Mine’s a tad on the warm side. As to my skin — it’s part English, part French, part Irish and part Dutch. Kind of like The International House of Pancakes. 🙂

  6. Moisturizers!
    But when I was a kid I remember my sister using age spot cream to try to get rid of her freckles–she was 10! 🙂

    • How’s up, Coleen. Actually I think freckles are sort of cute. I was admiring some new ones that showed up on me the other day. Then I flipped on my glasses and saw they were ‘age spots.’ Thanks for coming by.

  7. Funny and cute. I wear sunscreen religiously. I’m the girl on the beach with a shirt on and wearing a hat – eventually the umbrella goes up.

  8. OMG, Roy, what determination you had. I’m in awe! Now, I really hate to tell you this, but I feel it’s important that you restart your ice routine because, well, it’s a proven fact that as we age, our nose gets BIGGER.

    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. 🙂

  9. I do absolutely nothing, which I’m thinking I should rectify right this moment. If I can find some cucumber in the fridge, I’ll try sorting out those eyebags 🙂

  10. Pingback: Urban Word Wednesday: Five Alarm F*ck – Natalie Hartford

Comments are closed.